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The Secret Feelings Of A Custom Essay Writer
By Melissa Bryant, Custom Essay Extraordinaire
Custom essays are my life. I've been working as a custom essay writer for the last eight years. I started out by freelancing, and eventually the writing service I worked for offered me a full-time job. You'd think it'd be a pretty boring profession, sitting there writing custom essays all day, but no-I enjoy what I do.
First off, the money's not bad. I can't get into specifics, but each custom essay gives me at least enough to go out with my friends. If it's ten pages or more, I can afford to buy everyone a round of drinks. Yeah, they treat me pretty well over here, which is more than I can say for other girls I know in the same line of work. I've met a few "colleagues" over the years, and let me tell you, they have it a lot worse off than me.
To begin with, half of the custom essay writers I know are Pakistani-and I don't mean Pakistani-American. Yeah, they work for about five dollars an hour over there, and to them that's not such bad money. The pay for a semi-involved six page custom essay over there is enough to buy a week's groceries. The problem is, the guys who run the term paper services get on them for every little thing since they're not protected by United States employment laws.
Then there are the custom essay writers who know nothing else. They're hopeless academics, unable to do any work but custom essay writing. I'm talking girls with PhDs in things like Existential Philosophy and Elizabethan Jurisprudence-more than one in some cases. There are other types too: the insomniacs, who do all their custom essay writing between 1 a.m. and 6 a.m.; the machinelike speed writers, who are somehow able to churn out a page every ten minutes; the procrastinators, who wait until two hours before the client needs the custom essay and then locks themself away until they emerge, one minute to deadline, with custom essay in hand. Yeah, there are all kinds of nuts in the custom essay industry.
I, however, don't really fall into a category. I just love to write. In my opinion, the only careers a liberal arts education prepares you for are essay writing and backpacking. I've simply chosen to utilize the valuable skills I learned in college. How do I do I write custom essays all day without getting bored, you might ask. Well, let me tell you, it's not so bad when the custom essay you're writing isn't going to be turned in for a grade. Actually, it becomes sort of interesting. Like learning. Remember when learning was fun? No? Well, I guess fourth grade was a long time ago. No, seriously though, I could dominate the scene at any cocktail party. Take me over to Harvard Yard, feed me a couple of Fuzzy Navels and I'd be outtalking the most intellectual guy there. You've got an advanced degree in Linguistics? I've written a hundred eighty-six custom essays on that subject. You can quote the entire text of Hamlet? I can do that in my sleep, and why don't we throw in MacBeth, King Lear, and Titus Andronicus just for kicks.
The custom essay business keeps you learning. And it makes you feel good at the end of the day. Every time some pompous professor assigns a weekend-ruining assignment, we're right there at the other end helping the poor student who doesn't understand what to do. We're like souped-up tutors, except we do a hell of a lot more and don't get as much credit.
I suppose custom essay writers will never be fully appreciated because of all the stigmata surrounding custom essay services. People actually believe that we write papers for students. Well, let's get something straight here, bucko: we're just researchers. Our papers are used as models. The students we work for have a lot better morals than you might guess. Ah, whatever. Believe what you want. I'm going to climb back into my hole now and continue writing custom essays for another eight years. Maybe someday, in a parallel universe, custom essay writers will get the recognition they deserve. Until then, ciao!
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